“He is not a constellation.
You should not wish to be the cigarette touching his lips.
He will not appear through the fog and heal your wounds.
Only you can do that.
So get out of bed and put on some lipstick.
Stop falling at his feet.
(Source: rabbitinthemoon, via harrowing-adventuresof)
1:47 am • 30 August 2014 • 44,550 notes
If the multiverse theory is true, then there’s a universe where it isn’t.
Multiverse theory doesn’t cover paradoxical situations
Except in the universe where it does
i’m having an aneurysm
1:33 am • 30 August 2014 • 192,070 notes
You know how many times I’ve called my mom a bitch or a hoe in my life?
Not one goddamn time what the fuck is wrong with these kids
(Source: ignorntatheist, via crazyyetsane)
1:32 am • 30 August 2014 • 60,881 notes
1998 Gaming Magazine
Hindsight is hilarious.
playstation: how long does it have?
into eternity and forever
Project X: is it for real?
Dreamcast: can it be stopped?
in its tracks
nintendo 64: can it survive
it could survive the seventy-fifth annual hunger games armed with nothing but a mildly rotten cantaloupe and a set of assembly instructions for an ikea desk
1:31 am • 30 August 2014 • 89,550 notes
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"
1:30 am • 30 August 2014 • 826,712 notes
my little cousin got bit by a house spider and she was crying so i went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it but before i could even walk out the door i heard her quietly whisper ‘i can’t handle the responsibility of being spiderman’
1:27 am • 30 August 2014 • 152,819 notes
Went kayaking with my girlfriend and we made the cutest friend!
excuse me WHY are his hands up i cant handle this
pick him up
1:26 am • 30 August 2014 • 101,518 notes